Tuesday 28 February 2012

A Moment Lost..
Live life to the fullest. Seize the day. Don't waste a moment. That's all you hear and all your mind tells you. Especially all those times you sit guiltily in front of the t.v. staring at the sheer nonsense that's on these days.
There are also the  people (l like to call them the be- ers) who tell you to take it easy. Be rather than do.Relax, Contemplate
I'm at a confused point in my life regarding these two points of view. You see, the latter advice is pretty damn hard to follow. It involves initiative, effort and discipline. There's nobody to tell you what to do and when to do it. As an actor who has been in the business of following direction for the last 20 years, that's a tough thing to do.
At the moment, I have the good fortune (?) to be idle- as in out of circulation from work. I had high plans for how i would spend these months. A pile of correspondence to be attended to, catching up with all those friends I had ignored when working 10 hour shifts. Unfinished stories to be finished (pending for the last 10 years that I had been suffering from writers block). Books are waiting to be read and thought provoking films to be seen and- thought about!
I of course had'nt counted on my innate, long ingrained lethargy to get so offended, to oppose it so aggressively. Outraged by my zealous plans , it charged in and almost successfully put the proceedings to a halt.The ways and means it employed? Very creative and tempting. I sit down to write. All of a sudden, my back starts to hurt, my mouth feels so dry, I simply must get a galss of water. If nothing else, alien, fearful thoughts of the future suddenly  grip me in their midst.There goes a half an hour. 
The internet comes next. More curse than blessing. Facebook and Google become all important, absorbing, vital sources of  research instead of  actually appearing as the shameful distractions they are. Was that the tap i heard dripping? Why oh why haven't i paid my visa bill? will i ever finish my novel and become a 'real' writer? Before you know it,it's lunch time and well, one needs the T.V while having lunch! There! that's the whole  afternoon gone. The T.V . Another mortal enemy to creative purpose and friend to Lethargy. A temptation to beat them all. For as much as you hear of it being a tool of learning, a source of information, we all know how much of the Discovery channel we watch.. A colossal, irretrievable waste of time.Hundreds of channels, each more mind numbing than the last. Yes there are all those worthwhile documentaries too, but come on ,I mean how many programs about the creation of this universe can you watch? Sooner rather than later, you turn over to crunchier, meatier Fox crime shows and frothy sitcoms. You are in danger of losing your sense of purpose and value for time entirely if you don't buckle up and start being a bit cruel to yourself.
So today, I resolutely switched off the TV . My punishment for gross wastage of time is no T.V for the week. except  a profound film or two, something artistic and slow, Iranian or Norwegian perhaps?
I deliberately moved away from the temptations the bedroom offered and sat on a desk and chair in the lounge ( where I might add I heroically ignored the distractions of the rest of the house). Catch 22 waits to be read, notebooks need to be filled, the story I've been planning to write must either be discarded or put to bed.
This blog is going to be the beginning of a new dawn in my life. A life full of purpose, imagination, a well informed mind capable of scintillating conversation (even if it is to myself, my spouse or 4 year old niece.)  I will enrich my life this way until I go back to work ( which can also be an utter waste of 9-10 hours but that's meat for another stew).
Most of all I will seize time, pull out my sporadic supply of energy, shake them round and order them to battle fiercely with my lethargy, so that it creeps away never to return.
Yes. That's the new plan. No matter how much I'm dying to go plop myself on the bedroom couch with chocolate digestives, watching back to back friends episodes, I....Actually, hang on.. ..was that the phone? I better just answer that. Might as well wash the grease off my face and turn that fan on and put my contacts in. Then I'll be ready to get back in gear.
( How could i have let that most attractive of distractions- the phone slip past my iron clad resolve? Damn! so close!)

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