Talking about my Generation...

I often feel that I don’t belong to my own generation. Sometimes I like to be in the company of people older than myself and more often, those younger than me. The truth is, people of my age bore me. They are growing increasingly vapid and colorless. Concerned only with what to be doing in the next hour. Always having to prove their existence.It seems futile. There is no time for introspection, for thought. Being in their own company for too long makes them nervous and jittery. They confuse me. Paradoxically driven to get to the finish line yet intent on not using up so much energy that it gets in the way of a good booze/drug/pleasure binge, they are befuddled and incoherent. The generation before us however had and has too much to think about. Too much time to regret, rehash archaic ideas. It can be tiresome, even though you admittedly learn something.

The ‘children’ of today. Well they baffle me at times. I can never wrap my mind around the fact that they are so clever, so with it. A child of 12 now boasts of giving her ‘bra’ to her ‘boyfriend’. Two B words I would have thought forbidden to a girl just past the single digit in her life. They are really quite extraordinary. They are bored restless. They need a guidance and direction they are simply not receiving from the generation before them (that would be mine). i feel sorry for them although they are rude and possess the attention span for 4 yr. olds (no offence to the 4 yr. olds of course. They are quite charming as they are!) Brimming over with potential, keenness fresh, glorious youth; and it all spills over and runs into the street to dry out. What a waste.

They are actually desperate for a positive push and shove so they expend the energy and use minds more developed than ours had ever been.

They are the ones who can truly rebuild the world, reinvent it and haul this disintegrating society into some semblance of creative civilization.

 At least, I hope that is their future. I shudder to think what would happen if they turn out like us. And if they don’t realize the potential, well the ones after them are definitely a force to be reckoned with. My nephew is already an expert at taking clear, balanced photographs with a digital camera at the age of five and my four year old niece has big plans for her calling as an animal rights activist. Their acute intelligence probably won’t even need a shove and push. They’re all set to take over the world. 

And yes I know all the 30 year olds complain that they didn’t receive the enlightened style of parenting that could have made them unique, precocious. What are you going to do? We are no doubt a product of a disillusioned era and have for most of our adult lives floundered in a sea of confused ideals and hypocritical values and immense mediocrity. But that is our legacy. We need not pass it on to today’s young people. I take a look at myself and think about all the passion and zest for life I had 15 yrs. ago. There’s no need to let go of it. And a zest for life does not mean wiling time away in intoxicated oblivion or frivolous larks. Sorry, we aren’t 18 anymore. Face it and enjoy the same love for living in a 35 year old mind and body. It’s really not so bad. And keep a look out for the ones running ahead of us in all their high spirits and vitality. They deserve all the sunshine we can give them. 

After all, who else will take care of us when we are senile and annoying?

Changing of a Name..

There it was. Decades of having an identity; my name, my father’s surname, and nestled neatly in the middle falling into a rhythm, the name my grandfather had given me, his own mother’s.

I’ve always loved my name. There’s a neat pattern to it. It’s exclusive, special. It seems just right. Consequently, I love my father for thinking of it and being the considerate enough to have a surname that fit with it. Obviously I love him for a few other reasons too; nice hands and a mischievous smile etc.

All through life it’s given me pleasure; it’s brought me luck, made my parents proud.

And now, there it is. Changed. By law. By necessity. For convenience. Two of the names have been cut out to be replaced by a foreign one. How far does it define me, I wonder? How much of me is in it? Am I just the culmination, the sum up of my first name? Maybe the rest doesn’t matter so much. They are also after all other people s names. Mine is the first one. It’s shaped my personality. Savera. It means morning. It symbolizes all my hopes and aspirations. My forthrightness, belied by a certain shyness. Gentleness with passion, goofiness with intensity, talent with a bit of silliness, spontaneity with hard work. It’s all there.

The other names however gave me a backbone. A support. Security that I belonged and if all I met in the world was disappointment and failure, I had the confidence to return and fall back on these roots and ties that bound us, the family.

Make no mistake; I am ready to link my name with my new partner in life’s adventure. It’s going to be great fun. It will have meaning. Its own solid roots. It feels more real now that we are linked by a common name. But wow! That other one and I had good times. It was a pretty exciting ride. No matter. As my name has always taught me to look for brighter sunshine around the next corner, I still have faith the best is yet to come.

I would however like to say thank you to the ones who always stood beside me , behind me, ready to catch me if I fell, which I never did since their supporting arms always steadied my clumsy stumbles. They can no longer be there. They have to move from those steadfast positions they loyally stayed at. I wonder, was I ever worth all that protection?

I heard girls get emotional when they leave their ‘family’ on their wedding day on the arm of their new champion with their ‘new’ family. For me, I would say that the moment I truly felt far away from them, on the other side of the shore, on my own, was when I looked down at that identity card and saw I had changed. I had to build my own support system now. Be the steadfast loyal protector instead of the protected.

My new roles are daunting, but I can meet any challenge. Decades of a strong name have made me rock solid.

A Moment Lost..
Live life to the fullest. Seize the day. Don't waste a moment. That's all you hear and all your mind tells you. Especially all those times you sit guiltily in front of the t.v. staring at the sheer nonsense that's on these days.
There are also the  people (l like to call them the be- ers) who tell you to take it easy. Be rather than do.Relax, Contemplate
I'm at a confused point in my life regarding these two points of view. You see, the latter advice is pretty damn hard to follow. It involves initiative, effort and discipline. There's nobody to tell you what to do and when to do it. As an actor who has been in the business of following direction for the last 20 years, that's a tough thing to do.
At the moment, I have the good fortune (?) to be idle- as in out of circulation from work. I had high plans for how i would spend these months. A pile of correspondence to be attended to, catching up with all those friends I had ignored when working 10 hour shifts. Unfinished stories to be finished (pending for the last 10 years that I had been suffering from writers block). Books are waiting to be read and thought provoking films to be seen and- thought about!
I of course had'nt counted on my innate, long ingrained lethargy to get so offended, to oppose it so aggressively. Outraged by my zealous plans , it charged in and almost successfully put the proceedings to a halt.The ways and means it employed? Very creative and tempting. I sit down to write. All of a sudden, my back starts to hurt, my mouth feels so dry, I simply must get a galss of water. If nothing else, alien, fearful thoughts of the future suddenly  grip me in their midst.There goes a half an hour. 
The internet comes next. More curse than blessing. Facebook and Google become all important, absorbing, vital sources of  research instead of  actually appearing as the shameful distractions they are. Was that the tap i heard dripping? Why oh why haven't i paid my visa bill? will i ever finish my novel and become a 'real' writer? Before you know it,it's lunch time and well, one needs the T.V while having lunch! There! that's the whole  afternoon gone. The T.V . Another mortal enemy to creative purpose and friend to Lethargy. A temptation to beat them all. For as much as you hear of it being a tool of learning, a source of information, we all know how much of the Discovery channel we watch.. A colossal, irretrievable waste of time.Hundreds of channels, each more mind numbing than the last. Yes there are all those worthwhile documentaries too, but come on ,I mean how many programs about the creation of this universe can you watch? Sooner rather than later, you turn over to crunchier, meatier Fox crime shows and frothy sitcoms. You are in danger of losing your sense of purpose and value for time entirely if you don't buckle up and start being a bit cruel to yourself.
So today, I resolutely switched off the TV . My punishment for gross wastage of time is no T.V for the week. except  a profound film or two, something artistic and slow, Iranian or Norwegian perhaps?
I deliberately moved away from the temptations the bedroom offered and sat on a desk and chair in the lounge ( where I might add I heroically ignored the distractions of the rest of the house). Catch 22 waits to be read, notebooks need to be filled, the story I've been planning to write must either be discarded or put to bed.
This blog is going to be the beginning of a new dawn in my life. A life full of purpose, imagination, a well informed mind capable of scintillating conversation (even if it is to myself, my spouse or 4 year old niece.)  I will enrich my life this way until I go back to work ( which can also be an utter waste of 9-10 hours but that's meat for another stew).
Most of all I will seize time, pull out my sporadic supply of energy, shake them round and order them to battle fiercely with my lethargy, so that it creeps away never to return.
Yes. That's the new plan. No matter how much I'm dying to go plop myself on the bedroom couch with chocolate digestives, watching back to back friends episodes, I....Actually, hang on.. ..was that the phone? I better just answer that. Might as well wash the grease off my face and turn that fan on and put my contacts in. Then I'll be ready to get back in gear.
( How could i have let that most attractive of distractions- the phone slip past my iron clad resolve? Damn! so close!)